CLASSMATE UPDATE: Dean Copely

I grew up in a house on Front Street, between 6^th and Roosevelt in Massapequa Park, and as a result, many of my earliest memories involve the sound of trains.  My father was a Family Physician, and his practice was attached to our house.  Since he was also the Director of School Health for the NYC Health Department, his private practice office hours were generally afternoons or evenings.  He had no nurse or receptionist to help him, so my mom answered the phone every time with “Dr. Copely’s office?”  For years growing up I was not allowed to answer the phone.  When my Dad was with patients, we had to keep the noise level down in the house, but occasionally he would call me in to see something he thought I should see.  For instance, if he didn’t want me to climb trees, he might call me in to see a neighbor’s child who came in with a broken arm.  

My Dad was a very strict, classic 1950’s father and my Mom was doting and protective.  My brother, Richard was ten years older than me, and because of the age difference, we were never really close. My parents loved to laugh and they also shared a love of music.  I can remember my Mom singing while she worked around the house—she had a great voice.  My parents passed two important things to both me and my brother:  a love of music and an interest in the medical field.  Today, my brother and I are both in the Health Care field, and we both play the guitar.  Our cousin Gene, who had several hit records on the radio in the late 50’s, including one in the top 100 called Golly Gee, was also an important musical influence for both my brother and me.

I enjoyed High School and my hands-down favorite class was A Capella Choir with Lee Holdridge.  We still keep in touch.  I enjoyed the concerts every year. Within the choir was an informal group that called itself the “OK Choral”.  We would carol every year at nursing homes and neighborhoods during the holidays.  I also loved the Drama Club and the plays we did—especially loved the cast parties. I was one of the original members of the band Good Friday, along with Michael Schiano, Howie Silverman, Joe Lauro and George Masone. 

 I worked on The Beacon with Tom Dye and Geoff Watoff and I enjoyed that very much.  We all shared the work of preparing The Beacon for printing, and I was also the photographer. My brother’s friend came home from the military with a few cameras from Japan and I got a nice Pentax with several lenses, which kicked off one of my longest running hobbies.  For Christmas one year, I got a film developing and printing kit which allowed me to develop black and white film and make contact prints from negatives.  I bought a used enlarger from the Buy Lines so that I could make 8 X 10’s.  I was hooked on photography and loved having my own darkroom in the basement.  To help support my photography hobby, I used to take pictures of our Football team quarterback, print them and sell them to his Dad.

Taking the train into NYC is another fun memory from my high school years.  Friends and I often went to the City to watch tapings of Concentration, Jeopardy and the Match Game.  Once we went in to see a taping of The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.  By then, my Dad was the Medical Director of Conrail, and I would visit him at his office below Madison Square Garden.

I always wanted to be a doctor, and so after High School, I attended William and Mary as well as the University of Florida majoring in Psychology.  My first two years of college, I spent too much time in the frat house, but I buckled down the last two years. 

While visiting my brother in Orlando, I met my future wife, Sandra.  Sandra is an artist and has worked in all media—acrylics, oil, ceramic, clay, porcelain and wood.  We married in 1978 and moved to D.C., where I attended Georgetown Medical School.  D.C. was an interesting place to live and during that period, President Reagan was shot, Flight 90 fell into the Potomac, and Howard Stern was the local DJ.  In med school I had an 11 piece rock and roll band called “Aldo Sterone and the Steroids” and life was good. 

While I was in Medical School, a Dr. Clifton Leftridge sparked my interest in Radiology, and so, after med school, I did a 4 year residency in Diagnostic Radiology, followed by a year fellowship in Interventional Radiology.  Today my specialty is Diagnostic Radiology, and my practice is limited to breast cancer imaging—mammograms, breast ultrasound, breast MRI, as well as minimally invasive image-guided breast biopsies.    I find a lot of satisfaction in my work and it is gratifying that the advent of breast MRI screening has resulted in a huge improvement in cancer detection at a curable stage.

Sandra and I have two children:  Katherine (Katie) was born in 1988 and Dean Jr. in 1989.  Both of my kids have been competitive figure skaters, (ice dance), from a very early age.  Sandra had always skated and soon the kids were hooked, too.  Sandra turned her creative talents to designing and sewing skating outfits for the kids and their skating partners.  When the kids began to compete seriously, it became necessary to take them out of private school and home school them so that they could skate every day.  The family moved around the East coast based on where the best rinks and coaches were and that’s what finally brought our family to Michigan.  My kids were coached by Igor Shpilband and Marina Zoueva, who are considered the best coaches for ice dancing in the world.

 Katie and Dean Jr. trained alongside skaters with multiple world and Olympic medals and we attended competitions all over the country as well as Japan, China, Germany and Austria.  In 2009, my daughter and her skating partner were ranked 10th in Europe and 14th in the world, which qualified them for the 2010 Olympic Games in Vancouver, but a hip injury prevented her from going.  My son and his skating partner were the US Junior Champions and World Junior Bronze medalists in 2010.  You can Google their names to see their pictures and videos on line, as well as the beautiful costumes that my wife made for them.

In Michigan, I was offered a position as Director of Breast Imaging at a hospital here in Kalamazoo.  It is a perfect spot for me and I enjoy my work very much and I still have time to indulge my passion for music.  Despite this town being the original home of Gibson Guitar, I have been unable to find guitar players to jam with here.  So, I put a studio together in the basement and have obtained several eBay rescue guitars, keyboards, drums, bass, etc.  I have enjoyed buying older, used guitars and learning to rewire and recondition them.  I am also learning to use a software based recording system, examples of which you can find on my Facebook page (from SoundCloud.com). 

 My schedule has prevented me from attending my High School and Med School reunions these past few years, but Facebook has helped me keep in touch.  I am hoping to attend the 60th Birthday party, though I am only admitting to 49 these days.

Although I have had houses in at least a half dozen states over the years, Massapequa Park will always be my home.  When I smell burning leaves, or see kids chasing fireflies at dusk or playing stick ball in the street, it brings me back to my childhood on Long Island.  And each time I hear Jerry Seinfeld tell a joke or watch Alex Baldwin beat up a photographer, I am filled with an overwhelming sense of pride in the old neighborhood.

Written by Carolyn Hammer through email interviews with Dean Copely

CLASSMATE UPDATE: FRANCINE MISURACA

Here is something you probably don’t know about me:  I was born a Canadian citizen and I retain dual citizenship still today.  My birthplace was in Quebec City, Canada in November of 1954.   My first home was a place called La Crèche.  La Crèche is French for “the crib” and it was a small orphanage run by Catholic nuns.  My parents, Joseph and Jean Misuraca had heard about La Crèche from Catholic Charities and they adopted my older sister from there, and then two and a half years later, when I came along, they adopted me.  My parents---I have never thought of them as my “adoptive” parents, they were just my parents-- brought us home to Massapequa Park and provided us with a wonderful life. 

I grew up on Westwood Road and had a wonderful childhood.  My mother was a strong woman who was the backbone of our family.   She was a stay-at-home mom and her family always came first, and she always made us feel very special.  My father was a wonderful man who taught auto mechanics at a vocational school in Westchester, NY.  He had so many talents and could really do anything.  Both of my parents were always open and honest about our adoptions and they always made it clear that they had specifically chosen both my sister and me.

High school was a good experience for me.  My family moved from Westwood Road to Nassau Shores just as I entered high school, so school was a social place that helped me make friends in my new neighborhood as well as keep in touch with my oldest childhood friend, Regina Danielson.  Regina and I had lived down the street from each other before the move and our friendship continues still today.  In high school I was a Bisonette, and I joined fun clubs like the horseback riding club and the tennis club.

After graduation, I attended Nassau Community college for a semester, but left there for a job with the FHA (Federal Housing Administration), and then went on to the Department of Defense and from there I went to work for the Air Force at Fairchild Republic, where they built the A-10 aircraft.  Altogether, I worked for the government for 10 years.

Some people have a burning desire to achieve some sort of career, but all I ever wanted to be was a wife and mother.  Maybe it had something to do with being adopted.  Although my parents loved us completely, there was always the realization that you didn’t have a past, and there were no relatives who looked like you.  I believe that my strong desire to have my own family was to create a family that in some way reflected me.

I met my husband Jim at Fairchild Republic.  He also worked for the Air Force as a civilian.  We married in 1979 and moved to Annapolis where our daughter Janine was born a year later.  We stayed there until Janine was two, and then Jim got another job on Long Island and we bought a house in Blue Point.  In 1985, our identical twin sons, Timothy and Kyle, were born.  I was a stay-at-home mom and loved every minute of it. Then Jim had a job opportunity in Washington D.C. with NASA headquarters, and so, in 1992 we moved to Ashburn, VA.  I was 8 months pregnant with my youngest, Leanne.  

Northern VA was a great place to raise the kids and the schools and colleges were great.  Life was busy with four kids, but I loved being a mom.  When I had time to myself, I enjoyed riding my bike on the Washington & Old Dominion (WO&D) Railroad Regional Park bike trail.  Nearly every day that the kids were in school, I would ride 15 miles on that trail.  It was a beautiful and peaceful place to be and I often saw deer, fox, snakes, turtles and the occasional bear.

Jim and I were married for 20 years.  It was a good marriage and he is a great father, but the relationship had run its course.  We separated, and I needed to reinvent myself and get a job.  So I became a flight attendant for United Airlines and traveled all over the world. Jim would take the kids when I traveled and I had them when I was home. 

It was a fabulous job and I enjoyed working for United very much.  It was like being part of a big family, and you always had someone to travel with.  The scheduling was flexible and you could swap hours or double up on hours and then take the next month off.  I traveled all over Europe, China, Japan, Singapore and Vietnam.  When it became difficult to be away from my kids, I transferred and became a Customer Service Agent so that I could be home each night.  I left the airline industry after 9/11, when everything changed and travel became difficult.  It just wasn’t the same working for the airlines any more.  I took a job with an event planning company, and I enjoyed that very much.

After my divorce, I did date, and I had a long term relationship, but it really wasn’t the right fit for my family.  Meanwhile, on Sept 5, 2011, my grandson Jack was born.  It was one of the most amazing days of my life!  My daughter and her husband are both attorneys in Philadelphia, and when her six month maternity leave was up, she asked me to come and live with her until they could find good daycare for Jack.  It was a wonderful experience and living with them benefited all of us.  While I lived with them, I met someone on Match.com.  His name is Jim and he lives in NJ and works for the Philadelphia Orchestra.  Our relationship took off and I know I am so blessed to have found such a wonderful man.  It has been said that all you need is an honest man who can make you laugh, and if that is true, than I am all set!

I have always wanted to live near the beach again, that is one of the things that I always missed about Long Island.  We found a place in Lewes, DE, and moved there this year.  My house is 1.5 miles from the ocean and I love to walk into town everyday with my dog, Piggs.  We will live here most of the year and we hope to find a place in PA for the winter months. 

When I think back over my life so far, I wouldn’t change a thing.  Everything that I have done and experienced has led me right to this moment, and I couldn’t ask for anything more.  I have my health, a wonderful family, a beautiful home, good food on the table and someone to love.  Oh, and my second grandson, Conor was born at the end of September.  My life if full of joy, whether  I am sitting with Jim at the beach on a Sunday afternoon enjoying a glass of wine and watching the sun set, or when  I have all the kids and grandkids here, making me crazy, eating all the food and leaving wet towels everywhere.  It is what I always wanted.

Written by Carolyn Hammer through email interviews with Francine.

EAT, DRINK and CELEBRATE!

What is a party without good friends, good food and drink?
Why, without those things, you might as well just stay home and watch re-runs of The Golden Girls!

Luckily, I think we have all the right ingredients for a fabulous party!  Here is the menu that you will enjoy at the Look Who's Turning 60 Birthday party on June 7, 2014:

Beverages include: unlimited beer, wine, soft drinks, coffee, tea, and a special Birthday cake.  Live entertainment provided by The Moondogs!

So we have the food, the drink and now all we need is YOU!  To be part of this fabulous celebration, send a check for $65 to:

James G. King

53 Broadmoor Drive

Lincroft, NJ 07738

We need your contact info for this and future events, so:

Make sure your check has your phone number on it

On the memo line, please write your email address

Women, please also add your maiden name to the memo line

Ladies and Gentlemen……The Moondogs!

You may have known them as Loki, but today, the band led by classmate Michael Schiano is called The Moondogs, and they will be providing live entertainment for our Look Who’s Turning 60! Birthday bash next year.

The band evolved from the early days when band members Michael Schiano, Howie Silverman, and Joe Lauro, were joined by George Masone and Dean Copley to form a short lived version called Good Friday.  Soon, Neil Corkery joined the band and they took the name Loki.  As Loki, they played a lot of local venues like Arthur’s and the Bayview House, and developed a loyal following in the area. Loki played together throughout their college years and beyond, finally separating in 1978.

Michael, Joe, and Howie re-grouped in 1988 and renamed the band The Moondogs, after the name that The Beatles used very briefly.  The Moondogs had a rotating cast of players until about 1999 when the current lineup was solidified.  Today, the band consists of:  Michael Schiano (guitar, vocals), Howie Silverman (drums), Joe Lauro (bass guitar), Sam Pruyn (guitar, vocals), and David Deitch (keyboards).

 Over the years, the band has celebrated many milestone anniversaries with huge parties that were well attended by their loyal fan base.  The picture above was taken during the band's 40th anniversary celebration.

Neil Corkery will join the band to play at our class birthday party next year.

We are inviting all of our classmates to be there at our group birthday party to enjoy the music of The Moondogs, and to celebrate together this milestone birthday.   

Make Checks payable and mail to:

James G. King

53 Broadmoor Drive

Lincroft, NJ 07738

We need your contact info for this and future events, so:

Make sure your check has your phone number on it

On the memo line, please write your email address

Women, please also add your maiden name to the memo line

CLASSMATE UPDATE: JEANNE BYRNES AIBA, PART 2:

The year was 1993 and I found myself as a Mom in suburban America.  We lived in Fort Lee, NJ, which was like Little Tokyo at the time.  I was able to find all my familiar things—sushi, the little markets and all the things I had known in Japan.  We lived in a townhouse complex of 10 units, 8 of which were rented by Japanese families.  We had a 3 story, 3 bathroom townhouse, with a 2 car garage, and more room then we knew what to do with!  The complex had a pool and we had so much fun there.

 It was a good time—the economy was strong and Japanese companies were buying into America.  I could go to a market and buy anything Japanese or American that I wanted.  Our son, Yusuke attended the prestigious Palisades pre-school, and had classmates that included the “rich and famous.”  We attended birthday parties on yachts that crossed the Hudson River or in mansions just north of us.  Our daughter, Emi was growing, and soon would be attending the pre-school of our dreams.  I made so many friends at this time and found myself in the position of being the liaison between the Japanese Moms and the rest of the community.  I translated for those who needed it, and enjoyed being a bridge between the two cultures.  Noboru enjoyed the market boom and we both found sushi restaurants and Karaoke bars springing up all over.  We could buy steak, raw fish and seaweed anywhere in that town. 

Life was good and we celebrated all the holidays in our “huge” home while Yusuke entered first grade and Emi entered pre-school.   And then we received notice that Noboru was to return to the home office in Tokyo.  How would our family survive another move?

A few garage sales and donations later, we left our worldly goods and departed for Japan.  Although we had lived in Osaka before, now we settled in Tokyo. We found Tokyo had changed a lot in our absence; mostly it had gotten more modern.  We moved into a 2 bedroom place with a large kitchen/dining room.  Although it was a big change from NJ, we liked the area and settled in quickly.  The kids started school; I made many new friends and began to teach again.  Being a working mother was possible because we had friends we could count on when we needed to.  Our home was also open to our friends and this was a peaceful and safe feeling to have.

Except that that was when our son, Yusuke began to experience “being different” in Japan.  He looked much like me, and was called “foreigner,” “alien” and other names.  Luckily, he was a strong kid and fought himself out of more situations than I can imagine.  Our family motto became, “Never give up or give in,” and that helped us all through it.

As the years passed, we became very involved in the community and schools, including the PTA.  Yusuke passed the exam for private High School, and made new friends while challenging the rigorous curriculum of his new school.  In Japan, then and now, entering a private school from Junior High is a prestigious and sought after way to a future path to a good job.  Life was good again, and we were secure knowing that our son was surely going to do what was the expected and noble thing—get a good job and continue the advancement of the “Japanese machine.”  Noboru was doing well, the economy was soaring, money was flowing and we had entered into what was to be called the “bubble era” in Japan.

That was when Noboru got the notice that he was to be sent to America again, this time as the President of the New York Office!  Congratulations were in order, champagne flowed, and happiness abounded.  And then I thought:  Moving again?  This time the move would have to work around schools, puberty and a language barrier.

Mutiny in my household!  The kids were livid!  There were not going, no matter what!  How could they leave their friends and stable life for a new life in a country they could barely remember?  We had been living for eight years in Tokyo, the longest stretch in any one place.  Noboru’s assignment was immediate and he left for New York, we would follow once the kid’s school terms completed.  Two monsters had moved into my house and I was alone, trying to convince them that it would be great and they would love their new schools.

With all sorts of promises made about “the new world,” we moved to upper Bergen County, NJ, to a town called Closter.  Our house was huge, the neighborhood was beautiful and Noboru had a chauffeur to take him to and from work.  I got a Volvo station wagon.  I had forgotten that in America you have to take your kids to and from school.  In Tokyo, kids go to school on foot or by train or bus.  My kids entered ESL classes since they didn’t have the English skills to enter mainstream classrooms.  Since that is what I teach, with a lot of hard work and a little luck, they did pretty well in academics.  Yusuke found friends and a life on the soccer team, and Emi found hers in the classroom through the kindness of other students.

Noboru was the president of the company and we had many opportunities to attend parties and events.  One that I particularly remember is cruising on the Forbes Yacht around Manhattan with Mr. Toyoda (CEO of Toyota Motor Company), and some others who were just as important and elite.  Very cool!

Life was good and things were going so well and we enjoyed entertaining friends, guests and bunches of kids in our large house.  Until the day that I received the phone call from a friend in Japan, who was calling to make sure we were all right.  “Don’t you know about the company?” she asked.

Our company had declared bankruptcy, an unheard of thing in Japan.  Japanese companies just don’t do that.  They are made to last forever, or at least that is what everyone believed.  Noboru had spent his whole career with this company, moving again and again for this company.  How could this news be true?

It was true and the Japanese economy began its biggest decline in history.  Our company may have been the first, but many others followed it into bankruptcy.  There was panic among the employees in both Japan and New York.  Noboru had to return to Tokyo to face the guillotine and we were notified that our rent would no longer be paid, and we should return to Tokyo as soon as possible.  Yusuke was a junior in High School and Emi was in 8^th grade and I just couldn’t do that to them again.

So we moved into a small house down the street and literally carried what would fit into the little house.  We gathered friends to help us move and then get rid of whatever we couldn’t take.  Noboru left for Japan and we continued on in our little house down the block until both kids could graduate from their current schools.  And then we returned to Japan to make some plans.

My husband had lost his job but never his ambition and diligence.  He began working with some former colleagues in finance and investments.  We were crazy with worry but determined to go on and not give up.  Yusuke entered university in Tokyo and Emi entered High School.  I began working part-time teaching in companies.  We had survived and life began to settle down again.  Tokyo was familiar to us, we had lived there before for so long, and so, adjusting wasn’t an issue.  The failing economy produced a domino effect of bank mergers, and company mergers and more bankruptcies were in the headlines each day.  There were more homeless people than ever before and suicides increased drastically at this time. 

Time passed, and Noboru’s health began to fail.  He was hospitalized and diagnosed with heart muscle disease.  It was serious but could be controlled with medicine, rest, a good diet and reduced stress.  He began a routine to try to maintain these things and began to do much better.

Yusuke graduated University and got a job with Merrill Lynch.  Being bi-lingual finally paid off for him and I nearly fainted to hear him thank me for taking him to America where he learned English!  Noboru was happy and proud that his son had followed him into the securities business.  They enjoyed spending hours discussing the economy and politics.  Emi entered University to study International Business, and Yusuke bought a sports car and moved into an apartment close to his office.

Before Emi graduated, she landed a job at L’Oreal Japan.  Working for a cosmetics firm seemed ideal for her since she had done some modeling in college.  She was excited about the job and thankful for her experience in America---and I felt like I must be dreaming!

 

At this time, my husband’s health began to fail again and his regimen of trying to balance his work load and stress just didn’t seem to be working any longer.  On Christmas Eve in 2008, I took him to the emergency room.  They diagnosed an enlarged heart due to muscle failure.  This is an incurable condition and the only possible treatment is a heart transplant, but Japan doesn’t do organ transplants.  Also, due to his age, it probably would have been impossible.  He went into a coma and died six weeks later.  We were devastated, but thankful that he was no longer in pain and had not lingered in a coma.  Family and friends helped us through the formalities and we decided that the only way to go was forward.

Going forward is a broad term that I use loosely.  The night Noboru died, Yusuke, Emi and I spent in bed, holding hands and crying.  Sometimes we moved forward and sometimes we took steps backwards.  Yusuke helped me deal with the legalities of Noboru’s company and we sold the condo in Osaka, and bought a small place in Tokyo.    Luckily both of my children had significant others who helped them through this sad time.

Yusuke married Mayu and the wedding was held in Hawaii.  My mother was able to attend and we had a fantastic time.  We brought along a picture of Noboru, and the poignancy of the experience was appreciated by the guests.

Emi married Yoshiki in the mountain resort of Karuisawa the following year.  It was a beautiful wedding in a beautiful place.  I really missed Noboru then, and I remembered how much he had been looking forward to attending his children’s weddings.

We are a happy family now and I gained a great daughter and son along the way.  I have two grandchildren---a girl and a boy with another due in August.  My work is fulfilling and I have friends to be with and relax.  The in-laws on both sides have become friends and I feel lucky to have so many people around me that care and support me.

I came from Massapequa Park and I moved halfway around the world to Tokyo.  I will always be here, in Japan, for this is my home.   I am so happy to be in touch with my classmates from long ago and to tell you what my life has been like.  I hope to attend the Look Who’s Turning 60 birthday party next June!

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Please leave comments and greetings for Jeanne by clicking on the word "comment" to the left of the little pencil, below.  You can also view posted comments by clicking on the word "comment."

JOIN IN AND BE PART OF THE CLASSMATE UPDATES!

We'd love to hear what you have been up to since we graduated.  Please consider being part of a Classmate Update.  You don't have to write anything, you just have to answer a few questions and enter a dialogue with me (Carolyn Butcher Hammer) via email.  (Please note that any classmate wishing to write their own update may do so.)  If you are interested in letting us catch up with you, please email me at:

Carolyn@hammerandhammer.com

Some of our classmates have expressed to me that they feel that their life hasn't been interesting enough to warrant an article.  Pshaw, I say!  Everyone is interesting, and has a lot to share.
You get to decide what gets published and you will have final approval on any update.  I will always try to use your own words as much as I can so that your voice comes through.

We would like to hear what your passion is:  your work, your family, your interests, your hobbies, or whatever moves you.  You can choose to tell us about all, or any portion of your life so far.  If you want to only tell us about one part of your life, or some funny things that have happened to you, we are all ears!

Please consider being part of a Classmate Update!  Thanks, and looking forward to working with YOU next!

Carolyn Hammer

Classmate Update: Jeanne Byrnes Aiba

After high school, I moved to Florida and enrolled in Palm Beach Junior College.  One day I got a call from my aunt about a secretarial job with a Japanese securities firm in NY.  It was a great opportunity, and I applied for and got the job.  Before I knew it, I found myself living back in Massapequa Park and commuting to Manhattan to work at One World Trade Center.

My job was to calculate the daily transactions and record them in a ledger by hand.  It is amazing to think that in those pre-computer days that is how things were done!  Our tools were typewriters, calculators and telex machines.  Working for the Japanese company was a fascinating experience for me.  I enjoyed the Japanese culture right away but since I had no prior knowledge of the language, people or customs, many times things were “lost in translation.”

I made a few friends and one of them, Noboru, a youngish single guy who always seemed to be smiling or laughing, (later I found out that the Japanese people typically laugh a lot when they are nervous)  gave me a note that simply said:  “Waldorf Astoria-Kitcho-8:00.”   Intrigued by the cryptic note, I made sure to be at Kitcho, the Japanese restaurant at the Waldorf Astoria, at the appointed time.  After waiting 45 minutes, I decided to leave just as he arrived, out of breath and apologetic.  It was the start of our romance and the prelude to my move to Japan.

After a year of working together, Noboru was transferred back to Tokyo and we were heartbroken to be separated.  He wanted me to come to Japan but there were so many challenges and obstacles to consider:  the language, customs, food, families and the fact that international marriages were still a new concept in mono-racial Japan.  Luckily, my neighbor Mr. Murphy, from Connecticut Avenue in Massapequa Park, was working in Tokyo for a telecommunications company and offered me a place to stay for a two week visit to Tokyo.

A long 16 hour flight later, I arrived in Tokyo, a city that was a fascinating mixture of both old and new.  It was clear that I was a long way from home!  For example, most public toilets in this very modern city were seat-less, squatter toilets without toilet paper (never forget to bring your own!), but love has a way of making things like that inconsequential,  and I decided that I was going to go back home, quit my job and return to Japan to live.

My boss tried to talk me out of it because he feared that an international marriage was not a good idea, and that Japanese culture would be a difficult adjustment for me.  My parents were fretful but supportive of my decision.  Meanwhile, Noboru and I kept in touch through letters and many long distance phone calls, and he assured me that his family was very supportive of our relationship and couldn’t wait to meet me.  And so, I took a deep breath, gave my notice at the job, said goodbye to Long Island and my family and flew to Japan.

In Tokyo, Noboru rented an apartment with a bath and shower—which was a very modern idea in Tokyo at the time, and he was hopeful that I would like it.  It was so small--there were just three tiny rooms!  We had no furniture, so we sat on the floor, like typical Japanese, and ate off a box.  I enthusiastically jumped into my new life in Japan, and what an adventure lay before me:  I couldn’t read or speak the language or figure out the money and I made many mistakes and took many wrong turns.  There were times when I thought I just couldn’t do it anymore, but every time I thought I wouldn’t last another day, I would meet a nice person or have a good experience, and so, I just continued to stay.

I got a job teaching English at a small school downtown, and joined throngs of Tokyo commuters.  Talk about crowded trains!  No space was the norm and the trains were so crowded back then that conductors actually pushed people into the trains! Nowadays we don’t see that as much since they have staggered work schedules to avoid commuter nightmares.   Having a job really opened a lot of opportunities for me and helped me learn a lot about the society and the ways of the people.  I also made my first friend in Japan—a woman named Ursula who was also a transplanted New Yorker married to a Japanese man.  We are still friends today.

Soon, Noboru and I decided to marry, so it was time for me to meet the family.  First we met his Aunt and Uncle and their two children who lived in a tiny house in Tokyo.  They welcomed me graciously and were fascinated with my strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes.  They wondered if my blue eyes saw the world differently than their brown ones did!  To prepare that evening’s dinner, they took me to the street market to shop and I followed them like an eager puppy.  Every time I stopped to look at something interesting, they bought it!  Aunt Keiko was such a dear person and she taught me how to cook Japanese food, deal with the local customs, and so much more.  Until her death last year, Aunt Keiko was like a second mother to me.

The rest of Noboru’s family lived in Akita and we took an overnight train to visit them.  They were tiny people who scurried around trying to make me comfortable.  Although I had learned a few Japanese words, their northern dialect is difficult for even other Japanese regions to understand, but they smiled politely at my efforts.  They, too, were in a kind of frenzy about my hair and eyes and they wanted to know why I liked their son.  Even though our communication was difficult, they made it clear that they were happy that their son and I would marry.  We returned to Tokyo to plan the wedding.

 I wanted to be married in a church and I learned about a Franciscan Chapel where the priest spoke English.  It was located in Roppong, where I had stayed when I first visited Japan.  They required Noboru to take some classes in Catholicism before they would perform the ceremony, and so every Friday evening we attended classes.  Soon we were able to pick a date and begin the plans for the wedding.  My parents had a deli at the time, and so they couldn’t come, but Mr. Murphy stood up for me.  We invited everyone I knew (not many!) and Noboru’s relatives, and his co-workers.  The ceremony was simple, I wore a white wedding dress and Noboru wore a tuxedo and shoes borrowed from his brother!  I will always remember that I spent most of the time saying, “Nice to meet you,” because there were so many people that I was meeting for the first time.  There wasn’t any dancing—just speeches by invited guests—most of whom I didn’t know.  It was an experience and introduction into another part of Japanese culture.

Soon, living in Japan became a lot of fun for me.  I got a new job working at Berlitz and was able to take Japanese lessons during my free periods.  It is amazing the difference it makes when you know the language!  Being able to communicate meant that I could take a bus or taxi or ask what something was.  It opened everything up for me!

About two years later, Noboru got transferred to Osaka, a bustling, merchant town known for its own dialect and culture.  I was able to transfer to a Berlitz school in Osaka, and I will always remember Osaka fondly, as the place where I learned to drive, we bought our first condo, and where our children were born.  It was a good place with good people who made me feel at home.

Having children is a challenge anywhere in the world, but in Japan it was very interesting.  The custom in Japan is for the mother to stay in the hospital for a week with complete care and doting.  I learned that it stems from the days when women worked the rice paddies and it was the only time off they could take.  It was great the first time when my son, Yusuke was born, but when my daughter, Emi, was born, I asked to go home after just a few days.  They didn’t understand, but they allowed me to go.  The Japanese are very tolerant of children and since our children were bi-cultural, they were loved by everyone.  I was a stay-at-home mom in our new condominium complex, with many new young families just like ours.  I made some good friends with playmates for our son.  Soon after Emi was born, we got the news that Noboru would be transferred to NY.  Moving again!  Noboru would be working on the 86th floor of the World Trade Center, and we would be living in Bergen County, NJ. 

.................stay tuned for Part Two coming next week!...............

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