I have not met many people who have as fond memories of high school as I do, and I expect that many of our class do. We were fortunate to grow up in Massapequa when we did. We had beautiful beaches and the most amazing city in the world at the end of a short train ride. I didn’t take academics very seriously in High School; I remember the classes that were fun. I was rewarded for this by not getting into any of the colleges I applied to except for Nassau Community College. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise because I was able to spend more time at home before I lost my Dad when I was 20. I have had my share of heartache in life, but this was the worst thing that ever happened to me. He was such a solid, content man and such a source of love, strength and humor in my life. I miss him still.
I enjoyed Nassau Community College, and the many classmates who were there with me. By that time, I had figured out the value of an education, and so, at the end of one year, was able to transfer to almost anywhere I wanted to go. When I had visited Jane Atanat at Virginia Tech, I had fallen in love with that campus, so I transferred there. I had wanted to be a Home Economics teacher, but soon realized that most students took Home Ec for an easy “A” and not because they found it as interesting as I did. Like most in our generation, I wanted to save the world, or at least part of it. So I became a Social Worker and worked in a variety of programs for mentally challenged adults. I learned a lot about what is important in life from some of my mentally challenged clients.
I met my husband Dave at Virginia Tech. My roommate married my husband’s roommate and we are all still close today. Soon our close knit group of friends had all gotten married and were starting to have kids, but it wasn’t happening for us. Suddenly we were the only couple in our group of friends who were not parents. It was a painful time for me, and so when my husband brought up the idea of working overseas, I jumped at the chance. If we couldn’t have children, we could travel the world instead.
Our first overseas job was in Egypt on the Suez Canal, and it was there that our fate changed and our son Jacob was born in 1985. Next we lived in Cairo for a year and then returned to the States, where our daughter Brooke was born in 1989.
When I was 35 years old, we were living in Flemington, NJ, and I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was a terrifying diagnosis, and I couldn’t believe that when I had finally gotten everything I wanted in life, I was going to die. I was lucky, though. I had top notch medical care at the Fox Chase Cancer Center in Philadelphia. I had surgery but did not need to have chemotherapy or radiation. I remember that one of my friends at the time commented that I would have to live with a black cloud over my head for the rest of my life. I am glad she said that because it inspired me to make sure she was not right. Although this was an important part of my life, I never let it define me. Part of what sustained me during that time was the warmth and memory of my Massapequa days. I thought of the people from school and my neighborhood who had touched my life and that became an armor that gave me the strength to handle everything I needed to do to get better.
In early 1991, we decided that we missed the ex-pat life and so we took a job in Sydney, Australia. We loved Australia, but found it very expensive to live there. So when Saudi Aramco came calling, we jumped again and moved to what is affectionately called The Sand Pit, or The Magic Kingdom by the ex-pats living here.
We have been living in Saudi Arabia for 21 years now. You may think that moving here was quite an adjustment, but really the biggest location adjustment for me was when I left Long Island to go to Virginia Tech in Blacksburg, VA. Leaving suburban Long Island and moving to a rural area was a big adjustment, but I loved it there, and it probably proved to be the thing that made me want to see the interesting differences that the rest of the world had to offer.
We live in the Eastern province of Saudi Arabia in Dhahran on an oil company compound. Our neighbors are from all over the world. My husband, Dave, is a water and wastewater treatment plant design Engineer. I work at the front desk of the company elementary school. Our compound is about the size of a medium sized town in the USA. Some of the homes here on the compound are modular homes that were manufactured in Pennsylvania. Our first house here was a Cape Cod style home that reminded me of Massapequa Park in the 1960s. All the neighbors knew each other and the kids were able to run all over the neighborhood from house to house, as most of the moms were stay-at-home moms.
Life in Saudi Arabia is interesting and we find the Arabian people extremely hospitable and generous. KSA is a religiously conservative country and we are not allowed to have pork or alcohol, and there are no movie theatres. Those things are available in the neighboring country of Bahrain, which is about a 45 minute drive from here. Every weekend there is a mass exodus to Bahrain, and all the hungry, thirsty, movie loving Westerners make a beeline there. Since it is a border crossing involving passport control and vehicle searches, the trip can actually take up to 3 hours each way, but that hasn’t deterred any of us yet.
Women can drive on the compound, but off the compound that is strictly forbidden. When I leave the compound, I have to wear a black coat like garment called an abaya. Non-Muslim women are not required to wear a head scarf or veil, but still the muttawas (religious police) often walk around town or through malls telling women to cover their hair. This happens to me more frequently when my daughter is here with us, because she has red hair. Once when this happened, we decided to just go home but when we got in our car, we were surrounded by police vehicles. Not a warm welcome for my daughter who has called the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia home since she was 3 years old! Fortunately, most Saudi residents are sympathetic people, and we were able to talk our way out of it.
During the month long observance of Ramadan, all people in the kingdom are not allowed to eat or drink (even water) in public as Muslims are fasting during the day. This is quite a challenge, especially if you have small children and it is the middle of summer when temperatures can reach 120 Fahrenheit. Restaurants and snack bars close down and open up again after sunset when Muslims are allowed to break their fast. If you are lucky enough to be invited to an Iftar meal, which is the evening meal to break the fast, you will be treated to a wide variety of traditional rice, lamb and vegetable dishes, preceded by dates and Arabic coffee.
Many U.S. families send their kids “home” for high school, which for some of them, is the first time they have lived in the U.S. My son went to The Lawrenceville School in New Jersey, and my daughter to Northfield Mount Hermon in Massachusetts. One of the most exciting times here is in December, going to the airport to pick up your child and seeing all the other returning students also getting off a plane. It is a party atmosphere with lots of hugging. My children and their friends loved growing up here and coming back on school breaks. We would never have stayed this long if that were not the case.
The company provides us with six weeks of vacation time each year so that we can repatriate to our home countries. Many families use this time to wander the globe, so if you want travel advice for any place on earth, there is always someone who has been there and who would love to tell you all about it. This time is also used to make up for the lack of pork and alcohol in our lives, so Facebook is filled with pictures of our meals and drinks, posted to torture each other!
We are planning to retire this summer, unfortunately only a month after the Look Who’s Turning 60! Birthday party. Our home base in the US is in Vermont. I chose Vermont because when I was growing up, my family always spent two weeks there each summer and I loved it so much. My son Jake is finishing up his PhD in Computer Science at the University of Massachusetts, and my daughter Brooke graduated from Tufts University and is in Boston working in public health. We are looking forward to driving them crazy with our proximity, and also visiting our friends all over the US. We would love to get meaningful volunteer jobs with lots of flexibility to allow us to travel.
I am thankful that Facebook has given our class a way to connect. Before we had Facebook, I would often think about friends from Berner and wish I knew what they were doing and that they were happy. So even though I won’t be able to attend the birthday bash next month, know that I will be thinking of you all and looking forward to the next great event our class plans.
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| Dave and me in Rome |
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| Dave, Brook, Jake and me |
Written by Carolyn Hammer through email interviews with Donna Kramer Evans
